What do I say to Ely when his friend runs up to him excitely at church and announces that he's having a baby sister?  I am wrestling with my dear friend's pregnancy myself, so it's hard for me to encourage my son today. 

It's easy to question...

It's easy to question how two friends struggle with infertility for over two years; one is given a daughter with severe birth defects who passes away a few days after birth, and the other is given a perfectly healthy daughter.  This is the epitome of "life isn't fair."  This lesson is so much easier to accept when you're a child, and the "life isn't fair" lesson comes from your mom when your sister receives what you wanted for Christmas.  This is the type of "life isn't fair" that Ely should be learning, not mourning the loss of his sister while his friends celebrate the births of theirs. 

This "life isn't fair" lesson is the adult version. If only I could shelter my children from the world for awhile and keep them away from other new baby brothers and sisters so they wouldn't have to constantly be reminded of their sister's death.  If only I could find the right words to reach the inner recesses of a five-year-old's heart to convince him that God still cares about us, that He hasn't left us or forsaken us.

It's hard to trust...

It's hard to trust that God always knows what He's doing. It is hard to see God as God and trust His ways when all I have to go on is human logic.  It is hard to trust that God has great blessings in store for our family.

With empty arms and a broken heart, I fight to cling to the promises of God's Word instead of giving in to bitterness and resentment.  Never before has the "lean not on your own understanding" part of Proverbs 3:5-6 been so difficult.  Yet, it is exactly what I need to do.  I need to trust that His thoughts and His ways are beyond my comprehension.

Isaiah 55:89
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."

God, I feel the limits of my humanity today
It's not possible for me to understand all your ways
Give me rest for my soul as I follow you
Help me to trust your purposes through the pain