When I'm experiencing grief at its worst - when my stomach bunches in knots and my lungs ache within my chest - and I'm in need of a song that truly expresses the reality of what I've been through, I often turn to "Held" by Natalie Grant. 

To say I love this song would be a little bit of an understatement.  I think there have been moments when this song upheld me and became what I sang back to God.  This song is so so heart-wrenching, yet so heartfelt, which is why it's perfect to listen to when I'm feeling like my heart is being ripped from my chest and at the same time feeling strongly the love and promises of God.

The line that "gets me" every time is this one:

"To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling"

Yes.  I agree.  Why God, Why?  I don't think any parent who has lost a child hasn't asked this question.  I ask this out of pain, but also out of shear honestly, not in anger or resentment.  What does He want from me?

I think of Job, who lost his children and much, much more.  I think of how he reacted and how the people in his life reacted.  In Job 2:9, his wife says to him, "“Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!”  Job's own wife did not encourage him to stay faithful to God in the midst of tragedy.

Job had a choice.  He could "Curse God and Die" or "Praise God and Live."  In Job 4, Job's friend, Eliphaz the Temanite, says to him,

⁴ Your words have supported those who stumbled;
   you have strengthened faltering knees.
⁵ But now trouble comes to you, and you are discouraged;
   it strikes you, and you are dismayed.
⁶ Should not your piety be your confidence
   and your blameless ways your hope?

As awful as it feels, I see an answer to "Why God, Why?"  Who else can better give God glory than a person who professes Him, then suffers something horrible, and still gives Him glory? 

Job's wife's response to his terrible loss was "Curse God and Die."  She didn't know God, so I guess this response is expected and unsurprising.  But if I who do know God have this reponse, it would be a direct affront to Him.  Satan was the one testing Job to see if he would still praise God.  If I don't glorify God in the midst of a trial, am I instead giving in to Satan? 

My heart says ""To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling."

But, I know what I choose as my response:  Praise God and Live!

And, in turn, His promises will be true for me. I have felt the strength and comfort of the Lord lifting me up in a way that I've never felt before.  Some days, I literally feel held up by those praying for me in Jesus name.  Thank you so much to all my friends out there who love the Lord and have been faithful to pray for us.

"This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive"