For the past few months, God has been teaching me faster than I can write, and almost faster than I can process.  I heard Santus Real's "Whatever You're Doing" on the radio yesterday, and the words were just perfect to express what is going on inside of me right now. 

"Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly"


2010 has been a whirlwhind, and although I have deemed it "the worst year of my life," I'm not sure I actually feel that way when I really think about it.  Maybe I should see 2010 as more of a pivotal year than the worst year.  It's been a year of pain, for sure, but also a year of growing and learning.  I'm experiencing the biggest spiritual growth spurt of my life.  In the past three months, it seems like I've grown at least ten years spiritually. 

In 2011, I am committing to record the lessons, struggles, and triumphs of my journey with God.  I am committing to take the time to consider His Words in new ways, to encourage others despite my own heartache, and to lean not on my own understanding. 

The day after our precious Stella passed away, I wrote that "God used the miracle of Stella's life to perform miracles in our lives.  We hope and pray that her short stay on earth performs miracles in other peoples' lives as well.  Nothing would honor the memory of Stella's  life more than to know that God has touched the hearts of all who know her story."  Almost three months later, I can't speak for anyone else, but God has been performing miracles in my life.  I have learned that His grace is sufficient, and I have learned what it means to choose to believe and follow.  This is Stella's Legacy: that our lives would be changed by her for His glory. 

I pray that 2011 will be characterized by the genuine on-my-knees prayer of, "What do you want from me, God?" rather than the shaking-of-my-fist yelling, "What DO you want from me, God?!"  I look forward to the answers, even though some of the answers might scare me.

 ⁵Trust in the LORD with all your heart
         And do not lean on your own understanding.
 ⁶In all your ways acknowledge Him,
         And He will make your paths straight

Proverbs 3: 5-6