It's been one month from the day we said goodbye to our sweet Stella Rose.

As I continue to heal physically, I mourn the loss of having Stella with me, not only after birth, but before birth as well. Even though I was in serious pain at the end of my pregnancy, I miss feeling Stella push against my belly. She didn't often kick me hard or flip around like my boys did, but she was safe and sound inside of me. At almost every ultrasound, Pam or LeShaun would comment on how happy Stella was in there, and how she was not in distress.

Stella acted like a normal baby while I carried her, sucking on her hand, blinking, opening and closing her mouth, wiggling around. Even though her heart wasn't put together right, it didn't matter as long as she was connected to me. Her heart beat evenly and strong, and although she wasn't growing "on track," she was still growing. I was her life support. My body was keeping hers alive.

In the same way, God is our life support. Despite our imperfections, as long as we are connected to Him, we are alive. We can grow at our own rate, and our hearts beat strongly. He carries us through life's hardships, and He protects us from harm.

As soon as Stella was born-when she was disconnected from me, her quality of life began to deterioriate quickly. She lost the ability to breathe on her own after the heart meds were started. Her little kidneys could not flush the toxins from her body. Her BNP levels (that measure the amount of stress on the muscles in the body) were so high that they couldn't be measured. She couldn't open and close her mouth, suck on her hands, blink, or wiggle around much. Our little Stella was in distress. She was one sick little baby.

When we're disconnected from God, we're no longer experiencing life as God intended. Our quality of [spiritual] life deteriorates quickly. We can't "breathe" on our own or flush out the toxins without Him, without an intimate and personal connection to Him through the blood of his son, Jesus Christ.

My prayer now is that from now on, I will always be intimately connected to my Savior, that He will be my Life Support. It would be dishonoring to Stella's memory if I forget the many truths her life and death continue to reveal to me.

I continue to pray that everyone who knows of Stella will also know the One who is her (and my) Eternal Life Support.